Love and marriage, these grandiose concepts often come adorned with promises that sound like they’re straight out of a fairy tale. “Forever” and “always” are words that flow so easily from our lips, yet they carry a weight that we seldom acknowledge.
When people fall in love or get married, they often promise the world. It’s an act filled with hope and romance, imbued with the fantasy of an everlasting bond. But there’s a troubling dissonance here that has been gnawing at me. We use the words “forever” and “love” with such abandon that it feels almost irresponsible. These words, heavy with expectation, are tossed around lightly, often without a full understanding of their implications.
Marriages are filled with well-thought-out vows, declarations of eternal devotion. But how often do we pause to consider the depth and reality of these promises? The vows we make are sometimes more about fulfilling an idealized dream rather than reflecting the true, often messy, nature of human relationships. We stand at the altar, filled with joy and optimism, promising to love and cherish without truly knowing what life will look like in the years to come.
The idea of “forever” in the context of love can feel like a prison. These vows, meant to bind us in love, can sometimes trap us in expectations that stifle individual growth. Love should be liberating, not confining. It should allow for growth, both individually and as partners. Instead, these promises often place an unrealistic burden on us, an expectation to remain unchanged in our affection and commitment.
On that happy day, with all the planning and celebration, we throw caution to the wind, hoping for the best. But true love, true partnership, requires more than just hope. It demands a deep self-awareness, an understanding of our own capabilities and limitations. We need to be honest about what we can offer, knowing that our personal demons and triggers are ever-present.
These demons don’t simply disappear; they remain a part of us. However, by becoming self-aware, we learn to manage them better. We make peace with our flaws and triggers, understanding that they shape us as much as our virtues do. This self-awareness is crucial because it allows us to offer something real and authentic to our partners.
In light of this, perhaps the most genuine promises we can make on that happy day of commitment are to be kind and to be honest. Kindness and honesty form the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Honesty, though challenging and often uncomfortable, is a profound act of kindness. It means being truthful even when it’s hard, acknowledging that sometimes honesty may cause pain but ultimately fosters trust and authenticity. I understand that deeply now. There is a difference between knowledge and understanding. My healing journey took me to a place of understanding the power and value of honesty, from a place of kindness.
Being kind means approaching each other with empathy and compassion, understanding that we are imperfect beings. It means offering support and love without conditions, allowing space for growth and change. It means recognizing and respecting each other’s individuality, even as we build a life together.
Honesty, in its truest form, is about being open about our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Create a safe place for ourselves if we want more safe places out there in the world. It’s a gift to give anyone the opportunity to show up as their authentic selves. It is also about sharing our true selves, not just the polished, idealized versions. It requires courage and vulnerability, as we risk exposing parts of ourselves that we fear might be judged or misunderstood. But this honesty is essential, for it is through this openness that genuine intimacy and connection are built. I, personally, find it challenging to settle for anything less than that. However, I am also aware the importance of meeting people where they are because of our respective journeys taken to meet ourselves.
Love and marriage should not be about imprisoning each other with unrealistic promises. They should be about mutual growth, understanding, and authenticity. Love, in its truest form, should liberate us, allowing us to grow both as individuals and as partners, navigating the unpredictable journey of life together. And above all, let’s commit to being kind and honest, for these are the promises that truly sustain a relationship.
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