For a long time, I thought avoiding triggers was part of healing. I’d identify situations or people that might stir painful emotions and steer clear of them. In many ways, this approach did help—it gave me space to breathe, to feel safe, and to process. But I’ve come to realize that avoidance wasn’t healing—it was flight.
Avoidance might feel like control, but it’s not. True control, I’ve learned, is staying grounded in the face of a trigger, breathing through it, and allowing myself to sit with the discomfort. It’s not an easy process. The anxieties of confronting triggers—whether in conversations or interactions—can feel overwhelming. But running from them only keeps the fear alive.
What changed for me was understanding. The more I understood myself and my responses, the stronger I became. Knowing a trigger is coming and gently reminding myself, You’re not running. You can handle this, has been transformative. Once I sit through the discomfort, I often realize that the narratives I created—the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios—were far more daunting than the reality.
There’s another layer to this that I’ve come to appreciate: the power of apologies or acknowledgments that come from sitting through these hard conversations. When you face the discomfort of engaging with someone who has triggered you—or has been a trigger in your life—the apologies or understanding that emerge feel far more genuine. They stem from deeper awareness and strength, rather than being quick fixes to avoid tension. This depth can transform not just the relationship, but also how you process your own emotions.
Healing isn’t an overnight process. It’s a journey within, one that builds strength and awareness over time. The reward is profound: the ability to show up as your authentic self—unafraid, grounded, and whole.
If this resonates, take a moment to reflect. What triggers are you avoiding? What conversations might bring healing if you chose to sit through the discomfort? It’s through these moments of awareness that we truly grow, and through curiosity about ourselves that we navigate life better. The gift is not just to others but to yourself—a life lived authentically and without fear.
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