I’ve reached a point in my healing where I no longer confuse what I want with what I need. And what I need, in my personal life — where I let people into my inner circle — is authenticity.
I don’t need agreement. I don’t need politeness. I need honesty.
Tell me you didn’t like what I said. Tell me my timing was off, or that something I did made you uncomfortable. I don’t take it personally anymore — not on a good day, at least. Because I’ve done the work. I’ve learned that when someone is real with me, they’re offering me a door to walk through with them. A better door than pretending everything is fine.
What I struggle with is the “nice.” The mask. The politeness that comes at the cost of truth. It’s not that I think you’re a bad person. I used to be like that too. I come from a culture that encourages saving face. I know the script — I played that role for years. But it chipped away at who I really was. And it cost me too much – more than I am ever willing to pay again.
Now, I feel the energy when someone avoids the truth. When someone avoids me. And when that happens, I start shrinking myself to keep the peace. And that’s not peace — that’s self-abandonment. I can’t do it anymore – I just cannot pay that price anymore just to “fit in”.
So I’ve stopped dancing that dance. And yes, it means I’ve lost people I liked. But I’ve gained something bigger: alignment with myself. And I’ve learned that authenticity shrinks your circle — but the people who remain, are the ones who get it.
This isn’t a criticism. It’s a boundary. It’s me saying: this is what I need. And if you’re not there yet, that’s okay. Maybe we’ll connect again down the road. For now, I’ll keep choosing what’s real — even if it costs me what’s easy.
Because I’ve lived on the other side. And I’m not going back.
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