I used to think that if someone didn’t want to take accountability, maybe I was asking for too much. Now I realize I wasn’t.
When someone truly wants to do right, they show up. They don’t just offer empty words or convenient apologies. They sit at the table, brace themselves for the discomfort, and listen—really listen—to how their actions have impacted another person. That’s not easy. No one wants to hear the hard truths about themselves. It’s human nature to avoid pain, to deflect, to shut down.
But real growth, real repair, requires walking through that discomfort. Otherwise, what’s the point? Anything less feels like a performance.
This has become a firm boundary for me. In my personal life, I refuse to engage with people who just want to “move on” after a conflict and expect me to accept that as OK because it isn’t OK for me. What it feels like is abandoning myself to make the other comfortable. Do I want the person to be uncomfortable? No. I just need authenticity in engagements that are personal. With work, it’s different—it’s transactional. But in relationships that matter? If you can’t show up with honesty and accountability, there’s no foundation to build on.
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