The Peace Before Forgiveness

April 10, 2025

We’re told that forgiveness is the higher road. It’s in the cards, the quotes, the spiritual texts, and the endless social media reminders. And for a long time, I tried to get there. I tried to let go, move on, be the “better person.” But the harder I tried, the more I was abandoning how I actually felt.

Here’s what I’ve learned: the path to forgiveness isn’t linear. It’s not a checklist item you can force your way through. Sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t come. And that’s okay.

When I finally stopped striving to be what the world says I should be—when I paused and acknowledged that I wasn’t there yet—I felt peace. Because I was being honest with myself.

Forgiveness, or the lack of it, doesn’t define the other person. It’s just a reflection of where I am on my journey. And maybe I’ll never get there. Maybe I will. But I’m not fighting to reach a milestone that doesn’t feel true to me right now.

Growth starts with being real with yourself. It may not be a pretty picture in the beginning, so take it one day at a time or one hour at a time, whatever works best. Not everything on life’s “to-do” list has to be ticked off in one lifetime. Acceptance, not achievement, gave me peace.

I am learning to let life happen for me, not to me. A slow process but progress nevertheless.

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