Primo Levi’s words echo a truth that many of us have felt, yet perhaps don’t know how to put into words: “The sea of grief has no shores, no bottom; no one can sound its depths.” We often underestimate the journey of grief and even judge others by how long it takes them to grieve. How many times have we heard, “Why aren’t they over it yet?” But the truth is, no one truly knows how long grief will last or why it clings to us the way it does.
We’re uncomfortable with the open-endedness of grief. There’s no progress bar to tell us that we’re 75% of the way through our healing. We don’t have an end date to mark when it will be over. This lack of certainty makes grief even harder to understand and, sometimes, harder for others to tolerate.
I think it’s vital to respect everyone’s unique journey through grief. It doesn’t need to make sense to us. And really, it’s not supposed to. Grief is deeply personal, and its timeline isn’t for anyone else to determine.
In my opinion, the depth of one’s grief often reflects the depth of love or the significance of the relationship lost. We need to stop judging how long someone grieves because, in doing so, we inadvertently dismiss their love, their connection, and the magnitude of their loss.
The truth is, the grieving process isn’t about us—it’s about them. It’s about their journey, their healing, and their loss. Our role, as friends, family, or fellow human beings, is to honor that journey, even when it doesn’t make sense to us.
Grief is not linear. It’s not predictable. But it is real, and it demands to be felt until it naturally releases its hold. All we can do is allow ourselves and others the space to feel it fully until, one day, it begins to ease.
In the end, it’s about accepting and respecting someone else’s journey, without placing our own expectations on how they “should” heal. Because, really, none of us can truly sound the depths of another person’s grief.
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