In today’s world, it’s not uncommon to hear people express a longing for someone to love or to be loved by someone. This yearning is entirely normal—after all, we all crave that deep, meaningful connection that love brings. But it’s interesting to consider what we really mean when we say we want “someone” to love. Does the word “someone” imply a specific person, or does it suggest that the need for love is so strong that it almost doesn’t matter who that person is?
The Need for Connection vs. The Need for the Right Person
When people say they want “someone” to love, it can sometimes feel as though the desire for love is bigger than the desire for the right person. It’s as if any warm body will do, as long as they fulfill that need for connection. But in truth, finding the right person is far more important than simply finding anyone who can fill that void.
The “right” person doesn’t mean the perfect person. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection in a partner is setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, the right person is someone who meets you where you are—your healthiest self—and who is also in a healthy place themselves. It’s about two people, each on their own journey of growth, coming together in a way that feels authentic and supportive.
Love Isn’t a Checklist
You can’t treat love like a to-do list item—something to check off after college, or after landing a good job, or after having kids. Love is far too important and complex to be planned or manufactured. It’s not a product you can go out and find, nor is it a tool you can use to achieve happiness.
In today’s world, we often hear about finding someone who checks all the boxes: someone who is attractive, successful, kind, and shares your interests. But love isn’t about finding someone who meets all your criteria. In fact, many people who seem to check all the boxes on paper may not be right for you at all.
True love often begins when two people trigger each other—when they push each other’s buttons in ways that reveal their true selves. This might sound uncomfortable, but it’s actually the beginning of a real relationship. It’s in those moments of tension and challenge that you learn the most about each other and yourself. How you navigate those triggers together, how you support each other, and how you grow together is what defines the strength of your relationship.
I’m Not a Love Professor, But…
Let me be clear—I’m not a love professor or a relationship expert. I’m simply someone who has noticed how often people say things like, “I’m looking for someone to love,” or “I want to be loved.” These phrases are repeated so often that they start to lose their meaning. I’m just calling that out and inviting you to think a bit more deeply about what these words really mean.
If I haven’t done a good job of loving myself, then there’s nothing to give to anybody else. Love starts from within, and that’s where my journey is at the moment.
Love Is Not Manufactured
Love is a magical, mysterious force that can’t be manufactured or forced. It’s not something you can plan for, and it often arrives when you least expect it. You may feel a deep connection with someone who doesn’t fit your ideal profile—someone who doesn’t share your background, your beliefs, or your lifestyle. But that’s the beauty of love: it transcends those boundaries and speaks to something deeper, something authentic that you can’t ignore.
True love pushes you to take risks, to be vulnerable, and to give your all. It’s not something you do half-heartedly, and it’s not something you settle for because it seems like the next logical step in your life. Love requires authenticity in how you interact with the world and with the person you choose to share your life with.
Embrace the Mystery of Love
In the end, love is about connection, support, and growth. It’s not about finding someone who fits a mold or meets all your expectations. It’s about finding someone who you can be your true self with, who challenges you, who supports you, and who you feel that deep, undeniable connection with.
So, if you’re looking for love, don’t just look for someone who checks all the boxes. Look for someone who feels right—someone who makes you feel seen, heard, and understood. And when you find that person, be willing to take the risk, to dive in wholeheartedly, and to embrace the mystery and magic that love brings.
Hopefully, this resonates with you, and perhaps with others who are on their own journey to find love. Love isn’t something to be rushed or forced—it’s a journey that unfolds in its own time, with the right person, in the most unexpected ways. And if you’re like me, learning to love yourself first is a beautiful and necessary part of that journey.
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