Insecure leaders wield control like a shield, projecting authority as a means to mask their own wounds. Narcissistic leaders are not inherently “bad people”; rather, their behaviors stem from unhealed pain, often rooted in childhood experiences. Yet, for those who work under such leaders, the experience can be profoundly disempowering, even soul-crushing.
When you give away your power to someone who thrives on controlling others, you inadvertently fuel their sense of superiority. These leaders don’t “like” anyone in the true sense—they value compliance, not connection. If you’re someone they dislike, it’s likely because you represent something they fear: strength, independence, or authenticity. If they seem to favor you, it’s not genuine; it’s a transactional relationship based on submission to their authority.
I’ve seen teams surrender their best years to leaders like this, living in fear, shrinking their potential, and sacrificing their happiness. As an Asian, I’ve observed how cultural norms, such as respecting hierarchy or avoiding conflict, can exacerbate this dynamic. It’s heartbreaking to see talented, hardworking individuals remain stuck, paralyzed by the fear of stepping out of line.
But here’s the truth: their power only exists because you supply it. By withholding your energy, attention, and compliance, you weaken their control. Healing begins when you recognize your own worth, detach from their manipulation, and stop reflecting the weakness they exploit.
If you’re working under such a leader, reflect on your role in this dynamic. Do you seek their approval? Fear their disapproval? Are you giving away your power to someone who doesn’t deserve it?
Remember, you are not obligated to remain under the thumb of someone who is out of touch with themselves. It takes courage to reclaim your strength, but doing so can lead to a freedom and self-respect that no leader can ever take from you.
If they dislike you, take it as a compliment—you’re doing something right.
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